Now That’s #GOALS…
Hey, Sis!
It's that time of year when everyone has goals on their minds. Past, present and future. Some of us are even likely in a panic about missed intentions and deadlines.
Friday night I was listening to a podcast where fellow Christian mental health advocate Ali Joy was being interviewed about her challenges with bipolar depression. It's an awesome interview about the goodness and presence of God... even in our suffering. I'll drop the link below.
Anyhooo, while the entire interview is an inspiring listen there was this one part that caused me to sit straight up in my bed.
Here's what Alia said speaking about her frustration that the depression she suffers from was impeding on what she felt she was to be doing for God.
“I wasn’t able to dig myself out of it, and I wasn’t able to make it better and that realization to me at first was very difficult, because I felt like God you’ve given me these gifting and these skills… that are totally God-given that I could do these things. And in my head I had this idea like Lord, if you would just fix this part of me then I could do all of these amazing things for you. Like I want to serve you, I want to be this godly mother, I want to be this great wife, I want to have this ministry and this blog and to write and to minister to people and do all these things if you would just let me not be in this place I would do all of these great things for you. What I felt like God was saying to me during this period of time was that, “I’m not asking you to do all these great things for me, I’m asking you to be where I have you and to depend on Me.”
Hearing this reminded me about all the times I've rebelled against God, attempted to bargain with God and questioned His goodness towards me when he didn't immediately rescue me from a depressive mood, or temper my anxiety. Especially during those times when I felt like my mood was "preventing" me from doing all the awesome things floating around in my head, from using the very gifts and talents that He'd given me. Angry because a depressive mood was sabotaging my ability to run with the gooood desires — like Hey, Daughter! — that He’s poured into my heart. Like Lord c’mon this isn’t for me, this is for You. I know, I know as if God needs me or anyone to do things for Him.
I realized it was that wrong thinking that kept me paralyzed for many months.
I’m learning to sit with God in the throws of mental health challenges. Leaning into His sufficient grace. Grappling with what it means lean on Him and not a glass (or two) of wine when things get really hard. Becoming content in knowing that there are no easy or quick fixes on this mental wellness journey. And that while God does heal others for some of us, he won’t.
Not because His intentions towards us aren’t good, or that He doesn’t desire a hope and a future for us. But, because there’s greater glory for Him in our weakness.
I can’t help but to think that I — not unlike Paul — am possibly meant to be humbled by this thorn of anxiety and depression to experience the sufficiency of God’s grace (2 Corinthians 12).
If I'm honest, I have sinful bent towards arrogance and self-sufficiency. While His desire is that I — that we — become more like Jesus. His desire is for us to be holy for He is holy.
Yes, it’s difficult and frustrating to see, read and hear about others who’re on the other side of their challenges —with depression, anxiety, ADHD, lyme disease, chronic and adrenal fatigue, stress, burnout, bipolar, peri and menopausal challenges and such — while you feel as though you’re still in the pit.
His goal for us is that we may always be hungry for him, humble and holy. For some of us that requires that He do a new thing in us. A different manifestation of His Glory, that may mean instead of delivering you from a dry place, He may send a river through it to quench your thirst. Instead of rescuing you from the wilderness, paving a road through it for you to follow and find your way (Isaiah 43:19).
While He’s given us everything that we need (2 Peter 1:3), He doesn’t leave us alone to do it ourselves (Isaiah 41:13).
Now that’s #GOALS
Sis, my desire for you is that as the year and decade draws near that you aren’t taken up in the frenzy of this culture’s definition of “finishing strong”. While there’s nothing wrong with #relationshipgoals or #squadgoals as daughters of The Most High God we were created for more.
Encounter Meditation — God’s Glory Revealed
MUD Stories — Alia Joy: Depression, Desperation, and a Broken Hallelujah
(The quote in this post shows up around the 27:25 mark)