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After years of misdiagnosis - anxiety, depression, mood disorder - I joined this club about five years after my younger son was diagnosed. It was a bittersweet pill. While I finally had an explanation for so many “what the...” moments in my life, I was angry and sad that it took so long to get here.

After I escorted the last guest from my pity party I catapulted myself into everything “women with ADHD”.  I scoured every book, took every course, attended every webinar and binged all the podcasts by the most reputable doctors, authors and coaches out there. 

Go me. 

This is the part where I testify how God miraculously healed me. Or, tell you that all I had to do was begin drinking plenty of water, exercise, eat clean and get eight hours of sleep. That I started medication and meditation then did something with essential oils. 

And...

Suddenly, I’m able to try harder and practice more self-discipline. I’m no longer saddled with symptoms of ADHD. I’m free. I did it and you can do it too! I’ll help you, in just ten easy steps. Or, in forty-five days or however long it takes to form a new habit.

Yeah. No. That’s a different blog.

I’m no ADHD guru and I certainly don’t have all the answers. What I can share is my story. My sometimes very messy story. Because, you see there are still many days when I feel like ADHD is winning and therefore like the Apostle Paul, the things that I wish to do I don’t do and the things I wish not... I do.

Also, like Paul I’ve literally cried out to the Lord - For sure more than three times... like a few thousand - to remove ADHD from my life. Make it go away, please. Like come on God, wouldn’t my brilliant star be much brighter if I could (a) just get started (b) finish what I did and (c) wasn’t such a flake? Hmmm, what was that Paul mentioned about the thorn being sent and being puffed up? Ahhh, got it. So much for that.

However, seriously while His grace truly is sufficient - I believe that with my whole heart - there’ll be plenty days where it doesn’t feel like it. He and His grace may feel far from enough in fact. Especially in those seasons where we mess up and disappoint others. But don’t stop trying. Most importantly don’t give up...

It’s during those times I pray that you’ll read something here that’ll remind you that while there is healing and hope on this journey no matter what your Instagram and Facebook feeds say it’s not a linear path. It’s more like the rocky unpaved backroads. Its full of craters, some of which you may fall into more than once and that’s okay. You’re not alone. I can bet on the really dark days, if you look towards that glimmer of light - no matter how faint - you’ll find a few folks honest enough to show you their messy truths too. Sister-friends that’ll get down there in the pit and sit with you. Because... me too. Us too. 

I hope you’ll stick around. Learn a little. Laugh a little. Cry a little. And pray. A lot. 

xx,

Rashida B.

PS. Sometimes I don’t proofread (okay, honestly I almost never do). I’m just thrilled I actually wrote a post and hit send. Also, I pretty much always break grammar and punctuation rules. So please don’t send me your edits, I can conjure up enough self-imposed ADHD shame on my own to last a lifetime. But, if none of that matters to you, you’re definitely my people. 

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